Goodbye 2014; what a year it has been.
I wake up post float (the graveyard shift that runs for 4 days a week – yes! very unfortunate/fortunate to have it run past the NYE/NY period, sigh) and my palms arms shoulders are aching.
strange, waking up bleary – I don’t remember going for pilates anytime soon. I shift my body weight and my whole body aches again heh
Then I remember – My first resus. That’s what I spent my NY doing 5 minutes into shift and I remember the nurses coming to us (thank God for my half shift friend who was still handing over to me that same patient).
“Dr, your patient desaturated.”
We looked to each other and our hearts sank.
So we go through the motion, what we learnt and relearnt again from the books, but you know it never is the case when it is actually happening, orders are shouted across a human being, families shocked into oblivion having to wait outside the curtains while behind the curtains a whole flurry of activity is happening – IV lines are being set, blood is being collected, patient being bagged then intubated and then when the pulse goes, we jump ON the patient and literally try to pump their lives back.
I remember feeling so helpless and scared.
You would think after a year or so and after ED you would have gotten used to this sort of rush, but it didn’t happen to me. All I wanted was for this patient to just come back again and I didn’t know how to make it happen fast enough.
I don’t even remember praying (think I wasn’t even breathing) maybe at the back of my mind as I was trying to set a plug or giving adrenaline I told God,please help this guy, please help me help him, or somewhat along the lines of begging for some grace and some courage and some mercy.
For NYE/NY, my patient turned hypotensive at 1155pm, we were on our way up to the rooftop to catch fireworks but turned around so that my HO could attend to the patient and because she didn’t want to crossover to the NY alone, I went with her.
Shortly after giving some runs of fluids, she passed away, so the first thing I did on 2015 was to sign up a patient.
I don’t think it is a good sign for the year to come…
I remember what my reg told me just that morning itself about how every time we do sign up a patient to take a good look at their IC, to see the actual person – they so often look so different from the patient that lies in front of you.
As many were celebrating that night, fireworks, good food and in the company of loved ones, this family lost their mother, grandmother and sister. Such a stark contrast as to what the rest of the world was doing on NYE.
I don’t know what I should hope for actually, should I want to be used to it then? To be used to resus – the whole motion of it, to be so used to it that I can be calm and collected and therefore more efficient that way. Or should I hope not to be used to this, so that I don’t forget the person in bed, with lines and tubes from every corner. I really don’t know.
Perhaps, my NY 2015 resolution would be finding a balance between the two.
Happy 2015 everyone, may we continue to work hard, play hard and love even harder xx
~ by Jennifer G
Dr’s Blog is a feature of the CMG web site that aims to encourage interaction between Guild members. We hope to foster a spirit of community through the sharing of thoughts and personal experirences. The opinions expressed in these blogs are entirely those of the contributors and not of the Catholic Medical Guild of Singapore.
Interested in contributing articles to the Doctor’s Blog? Send us your contributions in word document to cmgsingapore@yahoo.com.sg
2015 Jul: May You Rest in Peace
2015 Jan: Happy New Year 2015
2014 Dec: A Prayer for Deliverance 2
2014 Oct: Who are you, Where am I?
2014 Sep: A Prayer for Deliverance
2014 May: Behind Those Clothes
2014 Feb: The Red Packet(s)
2014 Jan: God Loves You
2013 Dec: Caroling Reflections of an Expired M
2013 Nov: Scripture Reflection for Physicians
2013 Oct: Hang on. We haven’t beat this thing yet.
2013 Sep: Me and My Ride
2013 Aug: A Gift of Life
2013 Jul: Finding Happiness in a Land of Plenty
2013 Jun: A Beeline
2013 May: Living My Love Of..
2013 Apr: The Healthcare Debate
2013 Mar: A Doctor’s Prayer
2013 Feb: Project Battambang ’12
2013 Feb: Mission Srolanth ’12: To Heal the Heart, with a Heart to Heal
2013 Jan: The Hardest Thing To Say…
2012 Dec: The Lost Art Of…
2012 Nov: Rome Sweet Home – Short Reflections
2012 Sep: He Keeps Falling
2012 Aug: God Decides
2012 July: Am I To Blame?
2012 June: Saving Fragile Lives
2012 May: Ruminations On Love
2012 Mar: The iPhone
2011 Dec: The Red Cross
2011 Nov: Give Thanks!
2011 Aug: Ashes – The Epilogue
2011 July: Charity
2011 July: Ashes
2011 May: Of Angry Birds & Cowardly Mice
2011 May: Notes From Salzburg On Good Friday
2011 Apr: What It Means
2011 Mar: A Job.
2011 Mar: Dear Father…
2011 Feb: Clothes, A Person Doth Maketh
2011 Jan: Wonderfully Made
2010 Dec: A White Christmas
2010 Dec: A Medical Christmas Carol
2010 Nov: Saying Goodbye
2010 Oct: I Am Always With You
2010 Sept: Be Joyful Always
2010 July: Managing Expectations
2010 June: But They Are Our Masters…
2010 June: Driving: A Means of Personal Formation?
2010 May: HO Welcome Tea
2010 May: The Rain
2010 May: A Missed Lunch
2010 May: Man In The Mirror
2010 May: Reflections At The End Of The Day
2010 Apr: Finding God In All Things
2010 Mar: Surely You Put Your Trust In The Lord?
2010 Mar: The Significance of a Name
2009 Nov: Batam: Beyond A Mission
2009 Oct: The Broken Rosary
2009 Sept: Love Note To God, Father
2009 Aug: Let God Take The Wheel
2009 Aug: The Prequel: The One About Graduation
2009 July: The Sequel: The Later Months
2009 June: First Month of HO-Ship
2009 May: “The House of God” by Samuel Shem
2009 May: In The Discipleship for Christ
One Comment
God bless all the current practicing doctors in Singapore.