A Prayer for Deliverance.. Posted on 26th Sep 2014, 10:51am by Alvin

My better half recently shared with me an interesting thing she used to do when she wrote cards – she would close her eyes, mutter a quick prayer, flip the Bible open, and read a particular verse. Then she would interpret it into the card for her friends, and it would always be relevant, pertinent, and useful for the situation.

I won’t go so far as call myself the doubter, but I tried doing that this morning, and here’s what the Bible was telling me:

“A Prayer for Deliverance” – Psalms 89: 46-52
Lord, will You hide Yourself forever? How long will Your anger burn like fire?
Remember how short my life is: remember that You created all of us mortal!
Who can live and never die? How can Man keep himself from the grave?
Lord, where are the former proofs of your love? Where are the promises You made to David?
Don’t forget how I, your servant, am insulted, how I endured all the curses of the heathen.
Your enemies insult your chosen king, O Lord! They insult him wherever he goes.
Praise the Lord forever!

I mused at it for a while. Sitting in front of my computer, staring at the baking sunrays whilst on leave – it was a bit hard to think of something depressing whilst being on leave.

Then again, is not leave like a form of deliverance from the mundanes of daily work life? When we get too bogged down at work – burdened by workload, admin redtape + paperwork, too caught up in our patients’ lives – sometimes we are all in need of much needed rest, even though we may not recognize it ourselves. We should not be reaching the stage of burnouts – that means its too late already – instead, everyone needs time recharge, reorganize, revitalize. As the Chinese appropriately say, 休息是为了走更长的路. Indeed, we all have much longer roads we have to travel.

Reading a level deeper, I translate the reading into my work life. Currently rotating in Medical Oncology – I have seen more deaths in these 3 months than compared to my regular 3-month postings. Cancer is a frightening disease. It strikes one out of the blue, and literally leaves you hanging to the last hopes you have in your life. In these 3 months, I’ve seen a wide spectrum – Denial. Anger. Ignorance. Hiding of diagnosis. Acceptance. Refusing treatment. Refusing to give up palliative treatment in the faint hope for a cure. Enrollment into trials. Unfit for trials. Best supportive care. The emotions that go through patients’ and families minds… are simply indescribable.

One of my best friends just completed his chemo + RT for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma a few months ago. A curable cancer, with a worry for relapse. We’re all keeping our fingers (and toes) crossed for now.

You have to admire the resilience and strength of cancer patients. Especially for patients who are accepting of their diagnosis, prognosis, and at times, the futility of medical interventions – I hesitate to use the word “treatment” here, since at times there really isn’t any left. One of my favourite patients recently went quietly into the night – the patient and family were already very accepting of the diagnosis. My Indian patient aunty was really adorable in many sense – she spoke English, Hokkien, Malay, Tamil + a smattering of Chinese. I always enjoyed speaking Hokkien to her in the morning ward rounds, and she kept asking when she could go home / or for stronger painkillers for her bone mets. Perhaps it was a form of release and relief for the family, that she was finally free of the disease wrecking her body, and that she’s now in a better place. Her domestic helper also shed tears at her passing, as she murmured that “ah-ma won’t get a chance to teach her Hokkien”.

It’s painful at times. To feel for our patients and families, yet be equally detached and logical. What’s important for us as medical professionals to remember, is that even if there’s no possibility of treatment left, there is always a patient in front of us. An individual. With his / her own life story. His / her own family.

Even if there’s no treatment left, there is always a role for us to support them, and be with them towards the final moments of their journey.